Opened at Harvey’s Comedy Club in Portland

Last Saturday, my good friend Joe Larson (very funny, check him out if you’ve never done so) calls me up telling me there is an opening for a hosting spot at Harvey’s Comedy Club in Portland that night. So beyond my own expectations, I hop in the car and make the 3 hour drive down to that fair city to the south. By “fair”, I mean “hippy utopia”. Harvey’s is an amazing club. Sits over 300 when full, and it was packed for both shows. I’ve done crowds that size before, but it hadn’t gone that great (thanks Tulalip casino), so I was pretty nervous for the first show. Needless to say, I did well, thanks to about a year of practice since eating it in front of a large crowd. Still, I wasn’t so much presenting my jokes as I was saying “hey audience, here is my joke, hope you like it.” Not where I wanted to be. My jokes are good enough to say, “hey audience, here is my joke, its fucking awesome and you’re going to love it!” That was much more the way I ran the second show, and I knocked it out of the park. It was only 10 mins, but I could get used to that wall-o-sound laughter that came at me after some of those new tags. Thanks Portland for two awesome shows!

I’ll say this, Portland does know how to do Sunday brunch pretty well. The only problem with that is that EVERYONE goes out for brunch. There is no good time to go outside of 10 – 2 for brunch on a Sunday, and who gets up before 10am on Sunday!?!? Actually, despite my ranting, we didn’t have to wait that long. Most places have coffee to drink as you sit as well. To top it all off, our eventual server could have been a stand in for Matthew McConaughey. You want some eggs? Alright, alright, alright…

I ended up getting the biscuits and gravy. It was hidden on the bottom of the menu, I almost got the chorizo scramble, which would have been equally as good, mostly for the sour creme. I’m still chasing the amazing biscuit I had in Bend, Oregon at the West Side cafe, which is why I switched. If you’re ever in Bend, go there, that thing was freaking amazing. This one though, not too shabby. The eggs held together much better than the fiasco in Reno. Those biscuits were pretty money, and the sausage gravy on it was perfect. Not to heavy, not to salty. But you know what can make even the best gravy better? JAM! Heaps and heaps of purple jam. What kind of jam was it Brian? Who the hell cares, it was delicious. It looked weird, tasted even weirder. But you know when something tastes so weird it actually tastes good? That’s what the jam on the gravy tasted like. I’m like one of those people that puts a pickle in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Mind you, I’ve never done that, those people are weird, but I can empathize with them. Good breakfast “Genies” in Portland, you done well.

Reno Trip, complete with Breakfast!

Last weekend I had the pleasure of visiting Reno, Nevada for some training for my other, “real” job. That isn’t important. The important thing was that I was in Reno getting paid to work. Jealous yet? You will be (but probably not). Here are my takeaways from Reno:

  • I’m a very well put together, attractive, skinny, young 25 year old male compared to many of the people I came into contact with in Reno.
  • OMG, seriously, the best steakhouse in Reno, is still very crappy.
  • If you stay downtown you get a lot of crackheads. If you stay out of town, you can replace crackheads with old people and its about the same thing.
  • If Las Vegas wouldn’t host your shitty event, Reno will. That same weekend there was a quilting expo, bowling tournament finals, and a tow truck convention. I was there for warehouse training so its not like my excuse was any better.
  • Blackjack dealers learn your name, which is kind of creepy when they are calling it out the next day as you walk by the tables. Its bad enough that I’ve got an itch to play, but do you have to cup my junk while I do it?
  • Free drinks is one of Gods many gifts to men. Fortunately, my money is also a gift for the casino, so you’re welcome.
  • No matter how gay sounding a slot machine is, it could still make you the biggest winner of the weekend. My friend won $200 playing a game called “Kitty Glitter”. He got a double super Persian cat bonus on a 30 point spin, whatever the fuck that means. End result, he won $200 and we laughed hysterically as he proclaimed, “look at all the kitties!”.
  • Apparently you can cheat at the midway games at the Circus Circus and as long as no little kids are playing, the operators couldn’t give a rats ass how you won.
  • Yes, you will get to go to Circus Circus against your friends wishes if you “accidentally” lead them there somehow.
  • You will smell like cigarettes regardless, so you might has well smoke while indoors.
  • Don’t go head to head with a cabbie on how disgusting you can talk about a subject, especially having sex with midgets. He will win, ALWAYS.

But do you want to know the real reason I get to talk about this trip? Because, I got breakfast! Hooray. The coffee shop at the Peppermill here I come. A recreation of the Peppermill coffee shop from its previous location (not always in a casino), it had a 40s dinner charm, if that 40s diner charm was located in the Mad Hatter’s dinning room from “Alice in Wonderland”. I really wish I had a picture of the dining room. Lots of purple and pink lights with a fake cherry tree in the center. So unbelievably awesome yet trashy I didn’t know whether to be disgusted or aroused. But yes, I’m getting behind myself here, the breakfast!

Corn beef hash and eggs. One of my more favored breakfasts. Corned beef hash, if you don’t know, if crubed corned beef and usually potatoes. If you’re good you put a little bit of onion and green pepper in there, like the best parts of a Denver omelet. Unfortunately the light in this picture isn’t that great (blame the purple neon), but I don’t know if it would have looked that much better regardless. It’s a little sad looking now that I take a second look. I was really tired that morning, as it was our last, and this was the only real breakfast we had our 3 days there. Maybe that’s why I was so excited.

If the eggs look like they are ready to bust out of there, its because I asked for them “over easy”. At the Peppermill coffee shop, this is apparently too easy. As soon as I grazed the top of one of these bad boys, the entire thing burst open and fell apart. It was a sloppy mess, like a flooded New Orleans. I had my two dikes of meat and potatoes to keep it contained to at least one part of the plate. Thank god we left the pumps on! Good thing they gave me all the bread on the left too. Its like the R(i)ed Bread Cross ready to swoop in and clean up the neighborhood. Looks pretty dry and ready to soak up some of that eggy mess. But this is before it was reveal that it was actually, (duhn duhn, da!) a butter sandwich Where was that in the description of my meal. Poor planning. Looks like everyone needs to make their own way into the Superdome, which is what I’m calling my stomach from now on.

Away Gig in Richland, also, I’m going to start talking about breakfast more…

I’m in a “comedy gantlet” this week as I like to call it. I’ve had a gig every night, Sunday to Sunday. Tonight is the last one. In the life of a professional comedian, not that big of a deal, I know. But for me, it has been a crazy week. The results though have been good; had one of my best sets at the Owl & Thistle bar in downtown, and really getting comfortable delivering both old and new material.

Friday night’s gig was at a country club in Richland, WA, about a 3 hour drive from Seattle. The headliner was Brad Upton, great guy to work with and amazingly funny. I didn’t get a chance to eat dinner that night, so three gin and tonics later (which were bought by members of the country club) I kindly asked Brad to drive me back to the hotel so I could pass out. Nine hours later I’m back in the car for Seattle, but stopped on the way back to do some wine tasting.

Before the wine tasting though, I had breakfast. I really love breakfast. Have I told you that? Well I do. More than a lot of things, I love breakfast. Its the most important meal of the day! You can have anything from any food-group and breakfast covers it. Fats, got it. Fruits and vegies, total possibility. Grains, proteins, dairy, holy crap its awesome. As I’ve started traveling more and more for comedy, I find myself eating breakfast at new and interesting places. Every town has their “favorite breakfast place”. If you were in Seattle, I would say “Pete’s Eggsnest” in Wallingford or “The Hurricane” in Belltown. I don’t care if you agree with me, it’s my blog. So from now on, expect some posts dedicated to my love for breakfast, with a comedic spin, as I over-analyze one of my favorite things. That’s what I do if you’re my favorite.

While in Richland, I went to “Sterlings Famous Steaks and Seafood” for breakfast. Originally, I was a little skeptical, as this doesn’t sound like breakfast off the bat. Then again, neither does “The Hurricane”. Anyways, I ordered the New York Omelet. There wasn’t anything really New York about the omelet, but the omelet is one of those things where the name is mostly cute. Oh, the California omelet has avocados and Monterrey jack cheese, how freaking novel?!? Call it whatever you want. Even if you called it the “Clint Eastwood” and put avocado in it, people would still go, oh, its a California omelet. This is extra ironic because Clint Eastwood was the mayor of Carmel which is a city in California. Ooooooh. Just eat your eggs with stuff in them, ok? The French are laughing at us once again…

I realized I wanted to start blogging about breakfast when I was almost done, hence the mostly eaten plates and the $20 bill sitting there. I’ve already covered the omelet. It was ok. As you can see, I didn’t finish it; this was how it ended. The biscuit, well, I’ve been ruined by the monster amazingness of a biscuit I got at the “West Site Cafe” in Bend, Oregon. Man, seriously. Best biscuits ever! Totally kicked this biscuit’s ass, hands own. Overall, the meal tried to make itself up with the fruit plate, which was, by far, the crowning achievement for the meal. The only other thing that was better than the food was the pattern all all the dinnerware. Its kind of Pacific Northwestern Native American as captured by JC Penny’s. I kind of liked it though, if only because I know that this place is the only one I will ever go with that dinnerware design. Overall, good breakfast, I may have just ordered the wrong thing. Try the blueberry muffin instead of the biscuit. I hear they are better there.

Also, I need to figure out whether I’m pro or against salad bars…